How To Make Your Shit Wines Taste Better
For the most part, wines are easy to drink. But let’s face, some wines make you wish you were drinking from the gas pump instead. Don’t fret – there are some things you can do to make your “bad” wine, taste “better.” They’re quick and easy, I promise!
1) Pour wine in small amounts and use an actual wine glass
The best advice I can give you is to stop filling your wine glass up so much! Just stop it. Instead of filling your wine glass to the brim, just pour a little wine at a time. Wine glasses are specifically designed to allow your wine to “breathe,” to fall onto precise areas on your tongue, to funnel the aromas to the nose, to be held so that one’s body heat does not change the temperature, etc. Likewise, if you allow room in the glass for air to circulate, you will more easily pick up the accurate taste of the wine. Also, don’t worry about pouring the wine gently. It’s not beer. With wine, you want some movement as it’s being poured.
2) Drink it at the right temperature
I know that if you’re at a party, you’re not going to pull out your thermometer and stick in your bottle of dep wine to double check that your temperature is exactly where it should be, taking notes on the change, and whatnot…but at least remember this: Place your reds in the refrigerator 20 mins before you drink it, and remove your whites from the refrigerator 20 mins before you drink it.
Chilling your white wine for a bit is going to help – a lot. But also refrigerate your red wine (yes, that’s right). The common thought is to drink reds at “room temperature,” but this stems from the medieval periods where the average room temperatures were around 16-18 degrees C. This is a little bit colder than today’s average room temperature! So think, cellar temperature. There is science to this but I’ll save that for another night. One where I don’t have a final the next day!
3) Add coca cola to your reds
Got a bad red? No problemo amigo, just do what they do in Spain and make yourself a kalimotxo!
Adding cola and ice to your red wine makes a delicious and easy drink that’s reminiscent of a spicy cherry cola. A typical kalimotxo is made with equal amounts of wine and cola, but you can change the ratio to your liking of course. Add a wedge of lime, and it’s even better!
4) Ice your whites
It sounds ridiculously desperate, but if you’re hating on your white wine, just ice that shit. Maybe even add a little bit of water. I’ve tried it, and it works.
5) Make Mulled Wine (Gluhwein) or Sangria!
When all else fails, plug your nose, bottoms up, and don’t stop drinking.
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